The Role of First Impressions in Evaluating a Coach
This looks complicated, but parents accomplish it in seconds.
Imagine that it is your child's first day of soccer practice. You and your player are anxious as you approach the practice field to meet the coach for the first time, and you wonder: What will the coach be like?
The following are descriptions of two soccer coaches. What is your assessment of them?
Coach Cory: Charismatic—hard-working—impulsive—demanding—stubborn
Coach Tom: Stubborn—demanding—impulsive—hard working—charismatic
If you are like me, you prefer Coach Cory. Both coaches have identical characteristics, but the first trait in the list influences your perception of those that follow. A charismatic coach who is stubborn may evoke a sense of high expectations for achievement. A stubborn coach who is charismatic may raise the concern of parents who fear a master manipulator.
First impressions matter. Both coaches have the same qualities, but your intuition about each coach was guided by the first thing you learned about them—your first impression*.
The effect of your first impression colors your perception of everything else the coach does. Anchoring your assessment based on your first impression is not a thoughtful strategy for evaluating the skill of your child’s soccer coach. How do you resist your internal urge to judge based on limited knowledge? In short, collect more information and keep an open mind. Be aware of your biases, and that your goal is to help your child learn the game of soccer. Remember that no coach is perfect.
To guard against bad judgment, begin your coach evaluation long before the first day of practice. Prior to enrolling on a team, inquire of other parents about the coach’s demeanor, player attitudes, fundraising requirements, and tournament participation. If you don’t know a team parent, ask those questions of the coach as soon as possible. Once practices begin, attend them and observe the coach.
The decision tree at the top of this blog represents the thought process parents navigate when evaluating their child’s coach. It looks complicated, but parents do it intuitively in seconds. All decisions lead to productive soccer seasons except the one that asks, Is the coach unacceptable? A parent who answers “Yes” to that question has some options. If they can change teams, they should act quickly because, in most cases, conflict with the coach does not emerge until the season is well underway and other team rosters will be closing. Under those circumstances, there may be no alternative but to quit the team and the season. If that is the outcome, parent and player should discuss why quitting is acceptable because you will be setting a precedent for your child. Quitting should not be encouraged just because something is difficult. On the other hand, quitting can be the right choice if a player has concluded that soccer is not for them or a parent disagrees with a coach’s philosophy of competitiveness or teaching style.
Alternatively, if you conclude that your coach isn’t great but not unacceptable, you should consider what you can do to fill in the gaps. Perhaps the coach is as new to the game as you or is overwhelmed by the number of players. In that case, volunteering to assist them can be a great help. Befriend the coach and figure out how you can complement their strengths and weaknesses so that you can learn from each other. The more time you spend together, the more you will learn. You will see that their job is more difficult than you imagined. Still, there will be glimmers of hope as a routine is established, the team jells, and everyone finds the rhythm that comes with experience.
If you lack the time or skill to help a struggling coach, it is okay to bow out. Realizing your limitations will help you understand the coach’s perspective, which is a step toward finding common ground.
If you find yourself in conflict with the coach over an issue, it is critical to keep your cool. Discussing the situation calmly is the first step toward resolving conflict between a player and coach. Most young players lack the confidence to compose a good argument and will avoid confronting a coach alone. They will need the help of an adult to make a convincing case.
To be successful, avoid ambushing a coach two minutes before the start of practice. Talk to them privately after practice or via phone conversation. Be aware of your feelings. If you are agitated, compose yourself before addressing the coach. Adopt a problem-solving attitude and try to connect with the coach by offering your hand and introducing yourself. Plan your points of discussion to communicate effectively and think in flexible ways. Let your compassion for your child and other players override your frustration. Think about solving the problem long-term and avoid entertaining your short-term urge to use a clenched fist. If all these things fail, walk away—be the parent others admire because you handled the situation well.
First impressions reveal only some of what a coach has to offer. Developing a soccer player or building a successful team demands collective effort and collaboration. Working together is not always easy, especially when children and their parents are involved. Conflict is inevitable even with the coach of your dreams. Keeping a long-term view of what is best for your player is the key. Avoid thinking about game scores and consider whether players are motivated, improving, and having fun. Those are things that will make your player successful in soccer and life.
*Kahneman, D. (2013) Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. New York.
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