Chapter 5—Off-Season Activities
The winters in Colorado were relatively mild, with many sunny, dry days. Owen often played soccer at school during recess with a new friend, Jackson, whose family had temporarily relocated. The two became fast friends and played together every day.
Judy and I spent the off-season working and parenting. I was a research scientist at the university, and Judy was a psychologist. My job was a "soft-money" position, meaning I was self-funded, obtaining my income by writing proposals and conducting field and laboratory research. It was a precarious way to earn a living, made easier because I worked in a laboratory with similarly funded researchers, and we helped each other succeed.
Some aspects of my job were exciting. I had investigations in remote parts of the western United States and worked in spectacular locations for a few weeks every year. Fieldwork made my job more interesting, but there was an unfortunate tendency for one of our sons to get sick whenever I left town on a trip. When that happened, Judy had to cancel her clients and reschedule so she could stay home with a sick child. Most of her patients were good-natured about the inconvenience. Still, it seemed unfair that she had to sacrifice her work under those circumstances.
As winter turned to spring, our family started to think about soccer again. I attended a clinic for beginner coaches presented by the Soccer Club. It was taught by an older coach who was very laid back about playing soccer. His demeanor and how he explained the game de-emphasized winning and highlighted having fun in a positive environment. He mentioned that parents often get in the way of that philosophy and said that deep down, he wished they would drop their kids off at games and stay away until it was all over. As a parent, I was confused by his statement; it was counterintuitive, but I made a mental note. He also encouraged coaches not to pay attention to the score and advised that if a player asks about it, tell them we didn’t keep score. He had more experience than I, and his justification made sense to me. The idea of emphasizing fun rather than the score appealed because that is what I wanted Owen to get from the experience—fun. I didn’t have dreams of him becoming an Olympic athlete who needed to train his entire life to achieve a pinnacle of success. That seemed unrealistic because it wasn’t in his family history, or our temporal and fiscal budgets. I wanted a positive, fun experience that made him fit and provided an opportunity to experience success as part of a team. I knew he would not win all of his games, and I had no answer for the self-imposed question, “If winning is all a player cares about, what do they take away from a loss?” Consequently, I embraced my instructor’s philosophy of de-emphasizing the score and forged ahead without knowing the answers to all the questions about how to be a successful soccer coach.
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Judy and I were getting to know the ins and outs of recreational soccer. While I was preparing for another coaching experience, Judy played the registration game. Thousands of kids played soccer in our city. Parents lined up at the soccer office on the first registration day because they had to act fast to get their players on the neighborhood team. There was a lot of turnover on teams in Owen's age group, and it was likely that he would be assigned a new one. We wanted him to join our local team so he could play with his school friends. Judy registered early to increase the chances that we got what we wanted. The plan worked. When we showed up for the first practice in April, Jackson and several of Owen’s other friends were there.
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