Chapter 3—Hooked for Life
It would be an overstatement to say that Owen’s hug hit me like a lightning bolt, but it did hook me deeply. That hug and the surge of dopamine it produced in my brain convinced me that soccer was good for him. His reaction persuaded me that he had enjoyed the experience and that positive things could be achieved regardless of whether a game was won or lost. He had a great time; I saw it in his eyes and behavior.
Why he responded the way he did was unclear to me. It wasn’t scoring a goal or attaining a tremendous victory—neither of those things happened. It was something else that had to do with his brain perceiving a reward for intangible properties like overcoming a novel challenge or working together to achieve a common goal. Intangibles were not in my thoughts that day after our first game, and they wouldn't occur to me for years. My decisions were made in the blind as I forged ahead without experience, doing what I thought was right.
The other thing Owen’s hug did was put me on a collision course with other soccer participants, especially coaches, because we were motivated by different interests. I was participating to parent my child; some other soccer dads and moms were there to lead their child’s team to victory. They dreamed of the day when they could field eleven players on the big field, win it all, throw up their hands in triumph, and get drenched by the contents of a Gatorade bucket. That was not my dream. I hoped for wins but was motivated more by physical fitness, fair play, teamwork, and fun.
Those contrasting philosophies pitted us against each other and produced conflict that often confronted me before I could respond effectively. Solving a problem while still learning the game's rules was difficult. To become an effective coach, I had to live the experience while investing effort to build a foundation of knowledge and, perhaps, wisdom. Amid that struggle, children were looking to me for guidance and leadership. That was a sobering responsibility, but there was a silver lining: it was soccer for six-year-olds. How hard could it be?
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